Kiss me, I'm beat.

Because it was on my mind….

Have you ever wanted something so bad that it hurt? Something that you would fight for and do anything you could to get? I have. Dance is my entire life. Its my world. A day without it, is a day unworthy of living. You should never dance for anybody else’s approval, but, as a performer, at some point you want validation from a someone of a higher caliber. There are times when you’re so fortunate enough to take class or dance with and/or for your idols, and people who are iconic and revolutionary. You’re overtaken with emotion and nervousness, while you’re trying to balance doing your best, impressing the amazing people that surround you, and still dancing for yourself. That’s what makes it so scary but that’s what makes it so wonderful. You see the obnoxious dancers that go in every group, run straight to the front, and overdress, and you try your damnedest not to be one of them. But you see this family of profoundly special dancers that inspire you each and every time they even take a step and you can’t help but desperately want to be one of them.

There is never a day you can’t learn something and there is never a day where you can’t strive further for excellence. It’s impossible to stop growing. You can never stop learning and absorbing information whether it be emotional, mental, or physical, that can further you as a dancer and human being. It’s for these reasons that I know I have mountains to climb and far to go as a dancer. I know how much work I need to put in and it excites me to see where I can be years down the road. I try so hard to be objective and I wholeheartedly think I can be honest about when I dance. I think all dancers strive to be that. But then you begin to calculate and try and dissect yourself. You don’t get what you want and you rack your brain to figure out why. You wonder if you should change how you look or if you’ve changed too much. You replay everything in your head to see what you could’ve done better and become obsessed with other people and you try to be like them. Pretty soon you’ve lost sight of the reason why you dance in the first place. It’s an embarrassment to yourself and it’s unflattering of the art form you’re trying to be apart of.

At the end of the day, you didn’t get what you want. It sucks. But you will try again and you will try harder. Because that’s all you can do.

Good things will happen. It might not be as soon as you want or in the form you want it to. But it will happen.

Patience is a virtue.